


Houseguests

by DeadGrrl



Category: Askewniverse
Genre: Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 04:40:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7560718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadGrrl/pseuds/DeadGrrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tricia Jones takes on some house guests and has insight into the unfolding drama. Work In Progress.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Series/Sequel: No series, just my one going obsession with the slashy nature of two stoners.
> 
> Disclaimers: In concept, it all belongs to Kevin Smith - Jay, Silent Bob, and Dogma. I'm just borrowing them for my own perverse pleasures but promise to return them unharmed… but sated and smiling.
> 
> Notes: Work In Progress. This one is for the the Smith Geeks that read the comic books. If you’ve never had the pleasure, all you really need to know is that Tricia Jones takes Jay and Silent Bob in after an unfortunate incident. On, and Boregasm is the name of the book that Tricia Jones has published, and is referenced in Mallrats.
> 
> Parting Remark: "It's Smith's World… And I'm gonna slash it."

Tricia Jones never was really sure why she agreed to let them stay with her. If she had to pin point a weakness for the two she would have to admit it was Silent Bob. As the undynamic duo had taken up residency in the living room of her house, she realized that Silent Bob really was the redeeming feature of the pair. He was so polite, so cordial, so kind, so, so… hot.

Sighing to herself she came to grips that she wanted to jump the bones of one of her houseguests. 

Jay and Silent Bob had run into her at the press conference announcing the revised edition on Boregasm. Jay laid it on thick, telling her their tale of woe, how their apartment building had been closed down because of some small kitchen fire. They were out on the street… could you lend a brother a hand? Her immediate reaction was to scream "Security!" But, she paused, and noticed Silent Bob, Jay's eternal companion standing behind him.

Silent Bob, quiet and calm, waited behind his friend. Bob looked tired. Tired and like he had had a bad week. Make that a really bad week. The dark circles under Bob's eyes told Trish that Jay wasn't lying. Or at least there had been something bad that had gone down. As Bob took note that Trish was staring at him, his eyes shifted down to the ground like he was embarrassed to be asking…

Trish's features softened as she watched this, and she heard herself saying, "Of course, of course you can. You guys can catch a ride with me after I finish wrapping up things here."

Jay's response was to give her a peck on the check as he hugged her and palmed her ass. "Trish, you still are a classy fucking dish. Thank you babe! Me and Silent Bob we'll owe ya one… Or maybe we could make you a Trish-sammich later. Squeeze you between two studs like ourselves…" Jay's non-stop monologue continued as he released her from his embrace but tried to keep an arm around her shoulder. Trish shrugged out of the embrace as she walked up to Silent Bob, who was still looking at his feet with great interest.

She placed a hand on Bob's cheek, her fingers brushing the surprisingly soft facial hair. Bob finally looked up at her. She looked into those dark brown eyes that could relay anything, that were so expressive… And she finally knew how Jay understood Silent Bob. She knew exactly what Bob was thinking…

I'm sorry. Jay's an ass. We're broke and have no place to go. We shouldn't even be asking…

Trish felt her heart melt and pulled Silent Bob into an embrace. "It's okay, I'm happy to have you stay. It's no trouble at all. It'll be fun, like camping." She told Bob with a smile as she looked up into his eyes. Bob gave a little snort of a laugh and didn't return the embrace she noticed, but titled his head forward until it touches her shoulders for a brief moment.

Thank you. We, I, owe you.

"No problem," she replied as she released Bob. Behind her Jay was having some sort of a fit about the proceedings. 

"Now how about that shit! Chick ain't even gotten us home yet and already she's assaulting my Muscle… Or my Muscles' muscle, dependent on how you look at it…"

Silent Bob rolled his eyes, and Trish made a mental note to herself to have a conversation with Silent Bob, if that were possible. She had some questions about his cohort in crime… Shaking her head free of such thoughts she left to gather her things.

"Dude, you are a chick magnet. I saw that shit, she was all over you. Gonna get us a little bit kitty to stroke, mrow!" Jay had thrown an arm around Bob's back and slid the other into Bob's coat where, by some ingenious move he had actually gotten under Bob's sweatshirt and T-shirt and had his hand on Bob's chest. Bob schooled his emotions very carefully as Jay's hand slide through his chest hair and his fingers began circling a nipple. "Ah, yeah, gonna take that chick and have us a 'manage o'three'" Jay smirked at his deliberate mispronunciation. "First I'm gonna do her, cause I hate sloppy seconds, and then I'm gonna watch your tubby ass do the wild thing, and then, if you do a good job on Trish there, maybe…." Jay's voice trailed off quietly as his fingers began to tug on a now erect nipple. Silent Bob was biting the inside of his mouth, begging the powers that be Jay would shut up. No such luck. "Maybe I'll let you suck my joystick…" Jay's voice was a quiet, breathy whisper in his ear. "Cause I know you've been after my three-piece set for a long time now… Or maybe, just maybe, I'll let you slide me your sugar stick... What'd ya think, Bob, huh?" Jay's voice suddenly halted and Bob felt a long slow wet lick trail up his ear lobe. Then he tasted blood inside his mouth as his teeth involuntarily ground down as Jay's fingers gave a particularly sharp pinch on the sensitive nipple that they had been toying with.

Suddenly Jay was three feet away sputtering in indignation "Ewww, you gay fuck! Now stop that shit before Trish thinks we’re doing the horizontal hokey-pokey and you fuck up all our chances!" Jay shook his head in disgust, and walked up to Trish and relieved her of her coffee as he drained the container.

Bob released the breath he had been holding, and for not the first time in his life, was thankful for the long draping coats he choose to wear. Very convenient when one has a hard on the size of Wisconsin…

"Ready?" Trish asked Bob. Silent Bob nodded and Trish led him and Jay to her car. After denying Jay the right to drive they departed for her house in the city. 

That had been 2 weeks ago… And they were still in her living room.


	2. Chapter 2

It turned out that the 'small fire' had been more like a 3-alarm blaze, the apartment had been torched. There was something more to the story but Trish could never get it out of Jay, who would turn into the grumpiest fuck when questioned about it. She had ascertained that the blaze had something to do with someone's attempt to dry something… or at least that was what she had gotten out of the argument that Jay and Silent Bob had had in her living room. That had been interesting. Jay was doing all of the yelling and Bob was shaking his head and giving Jay indignant and angry looks. Then Jay stormed out of the house and Silent Bob had sat in the living room, his face a hard mask. Or at least it had been for the first hour. Then his anger started to dissipate, and after about 2 hours he started to look worried.

Trish, who had been checking on him every 20 minutes or so, walked into the living room after hour number three and sat down across from the quiet man. "Are you okay, Bob?" she asked quietly. Bob, agitated, shook his head no and got up and started pacing.

"I don't know what happened, but I do know that Jay will be back." Trish told him. Bob stopped pacing and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He dropped back into the chair he had left, shook his head and looked at Trish. Yes, but when?

"Give him some time to cool off, and he'll come to his senses. I think Jay's angrier with himself then he is with you. He doesn't handle his feelings well does he?" Trish asked.

Silent Bob gave a snort and raised an eyebrow. Understatement, anyone?

Trish gave a small laugh. "So let him go off and pout. He'll get over it in a couple of hours. Come and help make dinner, it'll take your mind off things."

Bob gave a sigh and looked at Trish. You're right. Thanks.

"Of course I am. Now come on, and help me make some lasagna." She reached out a hand to Silent Bob, who grasped it gently and swung out of the chair. He had such soft hands… Trish mused, remembering some of her original research. I wonder…she started to ponder and let the thought go as the phone rang.

Picking up the phone, Trish watched Bob go into the kitchen. "Hello?"

"Just act all normal and shit…" came Jay's voice through the phone.

"Oh?" Trish replied, as she turned away from the kitchen where she heard Silent Bob rifling through cabinets for ingredients. "And how are you?"

"What? Jesus, chick, you wanna know how I am? Well, I can lay some supreme moves on your sweet ass…" came the reply.

Trish laughed "Oh, you're so funny…" as she walked down the hallway. Turning the corner her voice suddenly changed. "Asshole, you told me to act normal, now what the fuck do you want?"

"Lady, you blow hot and cold faster than the fucking heater in out old apartment. Nootch. Now shut up, I'm calling you to ask if Bob's still there."

"Yes." She replied icily.

"So is he all moping about like some love-sick little bitch or what? Cause I'm not sure if I'm coming back…"

"Actually he's making me dinner." Trish replied as she peeked around the corner. Indeed, Bob was in the kitchen starting dinner. He had taken off that infernal trench coat, and had rolled up the sleeves on his sweatshirt… Strong forearms, hmmm.

"Just as I figured, he can't… what?" Trish could just imagine the confused look on Jay's face.

"Yeah, and I'm suppose to be helping him. I should go…" her voice trailed off as she watched Bob bend over looking for something under the sink… Goodness, how had she not forgotten…

"Hey! Don't be helping yourself to anything! I'll be back in an hour, tops. You tell that tubby bitch to stay put." Jay's voice was an angry buzz in her ear.

"Uh-huh." Trish replied as she hung up the phone.

"Son of a bitch!" Jay swore at the dial tone. Slamming the phone down he made his way toward the bus stop. "I leave for 3 fucking hours and tubby's gonna score without me." He exclaimed sourly to himself. He kicked the bus stop pole. "She better not fucking touch him…" He mumbled quietly to himself. Crossing his arms in front of him he fumed silently and waited for his bus.

 

Trish was on the move. She walked back into the kitchen, watching Bob move about the kitchen. He had already located the 1/2 of the ingredients and was peeling tomatoes, dropping them in boiling water for a moment and then dunking them in ice water, stripping their skins off as they split.

"Bob, you know how to cook?" Trish was amazed.

Bob shrugged. "A little," he said softly. Trish's jaw dropped open. 

"I do speak, Trish, just not frequently." Bob reminded her.

"I, ummm, I mean I knew that. It was just surprising, that's all." She concluded lamely. Bob shook his head in amusement and motioned to her pass a knife from the cutting block.

As Bob chopped tomatoes she began pulling the other ingredients. Trish realized that she had forgotten her original intent when she walked into the kitchen. Glancing over at Bob happily chopping away, she told her hormones to settle. The guy didn't need her to jump him, though it was an awful temptation. Sighing, she went back to working on making the lasagna. 

Sauce made, lasagna assembled and baking in the oven left only dishes. Bob was washing and Trish was drying when Jay burst into the apartment. They had had such a peaceful time together that Trish had completely forgotten about Bob's side-kick.

"So help me if you and that tubby bitch are boning I'm gonna bitch slap you into next week!" was Jay's initial greeting upon bursting into the house. Silent Bob and Trish appeared around the corner from the kitchen, Bob holding a glass scrubber and Trish drying a plate. Both looked at Jay with a similar expression of You'll what?

Jay scowled at himself. He hadn't meant to say that. He had practiced what he was going to say; he was going be all cool as ice about it. But he just kept thinking about Trish and Bob and he kept getting angry. This wasn't a real good sign, Jay knew it. But it was like he couldn't help it…

Trish shrugged her shoulders and took the scrubber from Bob, and handed him the towel. "I'll let you two talk. Dinner will be ready in about 20 more minutes." She returned the plate to the kitchen and then walked back past Bob and Jay, who had not moved, but were staring at each other.

Jay waited until he heard Trish's bedroom door closed. He walked towards Silent Bob wearing the meanest 'don't fuck with me' expression he could muster. Standing directly in front of Bob, he leaned into Bob's face and asked "So? You gonna apologize to me or what?"

Bob's eyebrows rose at this. He started to back up and turn away. Jay grabbed the front of his sweatshirt. Bob stopped and looked at Jay again, questioningly.

Jay wouldn't look at Bob directly, but instead concentrated his gaze on Bob's chest as he said quietly "I don't wanna fight with you. You're my best bud, and I don't wanna fight with you at all. But you know I ain't gonna apologize, and I ain't ever gonna admit that I was a bone-head, and that I could have almost gotten us killed, and that the thought that I almost got you hurt seriously scares the fuck out of me. I'm not gonna say it, and you should know by now that when I make up my mind, I don't change it."

Silent Bob was watching the younger man closely. He knew that Jay had been rattled by the whole experience, and that it was indeed Jay's fault. Bob also knew that it had taken him quiet a bit of nerve to get that little monologue out. Jay had apologized. Bob wasn't going to give him shit for it. The only argument that had been going on was the fact that Jay had seriously endangered himself. Bob knew he could protect Jay from a lot, but not from himself. That was why he had been so angry with him. But Jay acknowledged he knew that he had fucked up. That was good enough for Bob. 

"All right." Bob replied. Jay looked at him and nodded his head. Then his arms were around Silent Bob's waist and his head resting on Bob's shoulder. Bob wrapped his arms around his friend. Bob laid his head on Jay's cheek. He held his friend comfortably, and enjoyed the moment, one of the too few in their lives. He reminded himself that Jay was younger than he was. Jay still had a lot to learn about life. But most importantly, that Jay was there when it mattered and always came through in the end.

Jay held on to Bob for a few long moments. I wish it could always be like this, Jay thought to himself, just me and Bob and no bullshit. But the safe, secure feeling that he had started to dissolve and some nameless fear started to eat at him. Sliding out of the warm embrace hurriedly his normal knee-jerk reactions slipping into place. "Now fuckin' stop trying to romance your way to my stone's and get your tubby ass into the kitchen. When the fuck are we eating?"

Bob rolled his eyes, back on familiar territory. Shaking his head he gestured to Jay to get Trish and left for the kitchen. 

"Must I do fucking everything?" Jay muttered as he padded down the hallway. He knocked sharply on the door and called "Hey, Julia Child says the grubs ready, you coming to dinner or what?" 

Trish opened the door and frowned at Jay.

"Now what?" Jay snorted.

"You are such an asshole…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm also the best lay your ever gonna have, so watch your mouth, else you'll never find out how hot I am." Jay tossed over his shoulder as he walked away from her. Trish shook her head and joined the boys for dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

As two weeks became four, Trish conceded the fact that she now had long term houseguests. Their apartment was being rebuilt, and Jay and Silent Bob had become somewhat permanent fixtures in her living room. At least there was some sort of benefits, Bob could cook and he most often did. This took the edge off of having Jay, who was probably the most useless bastard on the face of the planet, living in her house. Then there was the fact that Silent Bob gave a mean foot rub. She had found that out when she had tried to seduce him.

Now, admittedly, she realized this had not been a good plan. It was blatant disregard of her personal code of ethics. She asked Bob to update 'research'. A ruse to be sure, but after watching Bob for 3 weeks, being in constant contact with him day in and day out, she was getting desperate. There was something about the man, something about the gentle demeanor, those meaningful looks, his expressive brown-eyes… She shuddered in delight. She remembered him in her bed and was entertaining thoughts in that direction again.

Now she had meant to ask him when he was by himself, but Jay had been stuck to his side. She wondered if Bob had a moment alone, and had inevitable found out when she gone into the bathroom only to find Jay brushing his teeth and Bob showering. Jay's reaction had been expected ("Chick's fucking barging in here trying to get me."). But the experience had also confirmed that she'd have to ask Bob directly, with Jay present.

At dinner that evening she'd casually mentioned her proposal. "Bob, I was wondering if you might be willing to help me out with something. I'm revising some sections of Boregasm for its 4th reprint, and I'm looking to update some of my research. Would you consider being one of the test subjects?" 

The effect of this proposal on all the parties at the dinner table had been quite dramatic. 

Silent Bob spoke for the first time in about a week. "Pardon me?"

Jay's reaction had been just the opposite, his non-ending monologue halted as his jaw hung slack in shock.

Trish smiled sweetly. "It would be favor to me really. Would you consider it?"

Silent Bob swallowed hard, and bit his lower lip. Nodding his head, he replied. "Sure, I'll think about it." This concluded the discussion and they went back to eating in silence, seeing as how Jay's normal verbose-self had been gagged by shock.

A few minutes passed and finally Jay had filtered all of the information, and his head had processed all the possibilities, in which he noted he was not involved.

"What the fuck! You're gonna get down with Lunchbox, AGAIN?" He yelled at Trish. He was angry with Trish for suggesting it, at Bob for pondering it and himself for the fact that the whole discussion pissed him off.

"Research, Jay. Bob fits a category, that's all." Trish replied diplomatically. Yeah, the 'I wanna him to do me until I scream' category, she thought to herself.

"I don't fucking believe it! What about me?" Jay thundered.

"Jay, if I need another test subject in the sexually-repressed, deviant behavior category, I'll ask you…"

"Oh, fuck you lady!" Jay threw down his napkin and pushed back from the table. "I'm not gonna sit here and take this shit…" and then he was gone. He had left the house with a slam of the front door.

Trish looked at Bob, shrugged her shoulders and asked, "Pass the salt?"


	4. Chapter 4

Jay stomped down the block, past the well to do houses of the upper-middle class neighbors, past the bus stop and to the manicured lawns of the small park. Kicking up sand as he blew past the kiddy-playground his temper seemed to burning a hole into this stomach. His journey ended as he came to the swings. Jay sat down in one of the swings, dug out his weed and a wrap. If he was going to be this miserable, he figured he'd try to mellow out some so that he didn't go back there and knock all of Trish the Dish's teeth out her head. Lighting up he took a strong hit, and waited for the world to become a little more bearable.

Later that week, Jay knew the day it was going to happen. He woke up with a stomachache. He was out of weed, having smoked through most of it in three days as he tried to maintain some calm as he felt the impending doom of it all. He knew what was going to happen. Trish and Bob were going to have sex, and he would lose Bob all together. 

Jay was sure of it. Trish was gonna get it on with Bob, and that would be it. She'd be hooked this time. How could she not be? It was Bob, for god sakes. Bob, the most wonderful, kind, generous person that anyone could know. Jay rubbed his eyes. Bob and Trish were gonna hit it off, and then Jay would be by himself. 

And Jay hated himself for being so selfish. He should be happy for Bob. Bob deserved to be happy. But why, the concept of Bob being happy made him feel sick to his stomach… that he didn't know. Shaking his head at how pathetic this all was, he shifted himself out of the chair he had collapsed in last night. He noticed Bob was still sleeping soundly in the other chair. Damn, he looked so cute lying there…

The hand slapping over his mouth surprised him. The sharp sound of the slap reverbed through the room for a second. It then occurred to him that it was his own hand. It was as if he had slapped his mouth for even thinking about saying that bit of information aloud.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Did I really just think that? Jay's head was racing. He backed up and stumbled into the chair. Sitting down shakily, he looked on Silent Bob with rising horror.

Suddenly, Jay's mind started to make all sorts of connections. Loose ends of thought that had been out there for literally years suddenly snapped sharply into focus. Some of his actions, never examined previously, came back to him under this now hideously large magnifying lens of truth.

"Oh fuck." Jay's voice came out muffled behind his hand. 

Jay, long at last, had got it.


	5. Chapter 5

Trish left her bedroom with a smile on her face; she had been waiting all week for this. This was the day. She was so excited about the evening's activities… and then she tripped over Silent Bob. Stumbling over Bob's legs she caught the wall in mid fall. Straightening up she looked down at Bob who had an apologetic look.

"What are you doing in the hallway?" she asked him.

Bob motioned to the bathroom door and shrugged.

"How long has he been in there?" Trish asked.

Bob face screwed up in concentration, and then he shrugged. No idea.

Frowning Trish pounded on the door and called out "Jay, get your ass out of there! Some of us would like to get a start on the day."

Jay who was sitting on the floor of the shower, where he had been for the last hour, nodded. The water hitting him was no longer hot or even warm. It was more like luke-cold, but it had yet to commit to that all-purpose bone chilling cold.

Rubbing his eyes, and cursing the day he had been born for about the 100th time in the last hour, Jay got up. He turned off the shower and toweled off morosely. Satisfied with the fact that he had indeed gotten all of the crying out of the way, he gave himself credit for at least having had enough sense to do it in the shower. Not as big as of a mess and no one could hear you.

Sliding back into his clothes, he finished squeezing the water out of his long hair. Leaning forward into the large mirror over the sink he looked at himself. Eyes slightly blood shot, but that would be passed off as typical on him. The terrifyingly vulnerable look was still there, and that wasn't going to fly. Schooling his expression into a partial scowl, he figured it was the best he could do under present circumstances, and popped open the door and shuffled into the hallway where he immediately tripped over Bob.

"Jesus Lunchbox, maybe I should get you a leash. Christ, can't a man take a shower in peace?" Jay snarled and moved on down the hallway to the kitchen.

Trish gave him a sharp look and opened her mouth.

"Don't even start on me, Dish. If I used up all the hot water, I just must be an inconsiderate prick, so what possible purpose would you raggin' on me about it serve? None. So save your breath, let tubby get cleaned up and by that time your hot water tank should have reheated enough water for your shower. Nootch." Jay walked to the kitchen when he grabbed a bagel and wandered back into the living room. Sinking down into a chair he grabbed a remote and began channel surfing. He was fine. He could do this.

Trish shook her head at Jay, and decided not to let him get on her nerves. She was going to have a good day, because tonight she was going to have Bob and that thought made her smile.


	6. Chapter 6

Bob took note of the fact that Jay was purposely not talking. Well, Jay was talking. Jay was always talking. But Jay's had yet to direct conversation at Bob. They had spent hours sitting in the living room and Jay had yet to talk to him. Jay had slid into a continuous monologue with himself, the television, and apparently the Almighty, because those were the only things he had addressed directly for the last few hours. Jay was just ignoring Bob in a very clever way. But nonetheless, he was still ignoring Bob.

This worried Bob. Jay worried Bob. Granted Bob spent most of his waking moments watching over Jay, but he usually didn't have to worry about the younger man. It had started that morning, with the locked bathroom door. In ten years of friendship Bob hadn't known Jay to even bother closing the bathroom door let alone lock it. Then the way Jay had snapped at him, which was odd also. Jay bull-shitted, threatened, teased, and yelled a lot, but Bob had never heard that tone of voice. In all the time knowing Jay, Bob had never heard that tone. If that wasn't worrisome, he didn't know what was.

So Bob watched Jay. He was sure that whatever it was that was bothering Jay, it would come out eventually. He had learned a long time ago not to push Jay. Jay talked when he was ready. So he'd wait and see.

 

Jay glanced at the clock on the VCR, eyes glazed from a day of channel surfing. It was already 6:00 p.m., and took a deep breath. He could do this. He could do this. "So, Lunchbox, when you and Dish getting horizontal?"

Silent Bob looked up from his comic book. Was this the problem…? Oh, for christ sakes. How could he be so stupid? Jay was pissed about the Trish thing. No wonder he wasn't talking. Bob had almost forgotten about it. Trish was very sweet, and he was happy to help her out, but it wasn't a big deal… Trish really wasn't Bob's type. "Around 7." Bob replied, watching Jay carefully.

"That's cool. Lemme know how she is. I bet she's a lot of fun…" Jay smirked. "I should probably get out of here, so I don't break the 'mood' and all. Let you lay some of your moves down on that girl. I'll be back in a few hours." Jay shifted out of the chair and went to locate his boots.

Passing Trish in the hallway, he gave her a leer, "Sure you don't want a stunt cock on the side, ready to go?" 

Trish shook her head at Jay and replied, "That won't be necessary, Jay."

Jay smirked at her, "Nah, Bob'll take care of you. I heard he's all sensitive to a woman's needs and all. I don't go for that shit, just fast and hard fuckin'. Well, have fun, I'll be back later." Jay finished stuffing his feet into his boots, grabbed his coat from the chair and left.

Trish, happy to see Jay leave, went to her bedroom and finished setting up her video camera. She had to make it look legit. If everything went well, it might be interesting to watch this tape for something more than scientific research, Trish smirked to herself.

Finishing touches in place she walked to the living room. Bob was sitting on one of the chairs. He looked pensive, cute, but pensive. She felt herself flush with anticipation.


	7. Chapter 7

"Bob, why don't you come to my room…?” Trish smiled at him. Bob glanced up at Trish, nodded and followed her. Trish had gone over all the formalities with him already. Waivers' had been signed, authorizations given. Bob suspected that he should be thanking his lucky stars to be sharing this beautiful young woman's bed. However something was bothering him. Only it'd have to wait, because he had just stepped across the threshold of Trish's room and she was now trying to suck his lungs out via his mouth.

Trish kissed Silent Bob with the pent up desire of 4 weeks. She finally was able to touch Bob, like she had been longing to since the first week he had set foot in her house. His mouth was soft under hers as he returned the kiss. My god, he's magnificent, she thought dizzily as she slipped her tongue into his mouth. The man could kiss… She felt her body flush as she recalled the last time and how good it had been…

Pulling him toward her bed, her hands started to move his body, caressing him. She pulled Silent Bob down on top of her and relished the feel of his heavy frame. Stretching a hand over her head she triggered the video camera, sight unseen. Her eyes were closed, as she concentrated on the feelings running through her body. Then Silent Bob broke off the kiss. Gentle hands caressed her face, and she heard him speak to her.

"Trish, Trish. This is no good."

Trish's eyes snapped open, "What?" She looked into Silent Bob's dark brown eyes. "Is there something wrong? Do you need me to do something? I can, just tell me..." she sputtered.

Bob smiled gently at her and replied, "Only if you could be Jay." 

Trish's mind raced for a moment, she was so close, she only had to be… Jay? And then her brain rejoined her conscious thought and processed what Bob had said…

"Shit." Trish replied with a sarcastic smile "It figures. I find the first guy I want to have sex with for more than scientific purposes…"

Bob raised an eyebrow at this "Oh?"

Trish looked away guiltily, "Damn Bob, I really want you."

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, no - it's okay. I'm just disappointed."

"I'm sorry for that then."

Trish looked Bob in the eyes, his frame was still pressing her to the bed, maybe if she… and as she looked into Bob's eyes, she realized that the point was moot. "No, I'm sorry, that's who's sorry. I wasn't honest with you. You deserved better than that." She paused, "You also deserve better than Jay."

Bob smirked at that and rolled off of her. Trish gave a sigh, missing his comfortable weight already. She sat up and looked at Silent Bob who was still reclined on her bed.

"This is the most you've spoken to me in the entire time you've been here, so it must be important to you. Shall I conclude we are going to have a real conversation?"

Bob gave a small smile, "Yes, you will be one of the few to live to tell of the amazing phenomenon."

"All right, then I'm gonna get comfortable." Trish replied and settled back down on one of the pillows next to Bob. Leaning on her side she looked at Bob and tossed her hand in the air and said, "So, spill."


	8. Chapter 8

After leaving Trish's Jay decided to take a trip to Red Bank. That would eat up some time. He caught his bus and made the appropriate transfers, in a bit of a daze. Luckily the trip was so ingrained into his skull that he could make it stoned off his ass, or completely emotionally fucked in the head.

Walking toward the Quick Stop he realized that not only did have very little cash to speak of, he had very little options as to where to go. Sighing to himself, he wandered into the small grocery store and came across Dante, clerking the counter. Slinking back to the refrigerator section Jay grabbed a bottle of cola. Walking up to the counter Jay dug some change out of his pocket and put it down.

"That’s $1.25," Dante corrected Jay.

He rolled his eyes "I forgot, the 'Fuck you go Food City' amount." Jay dug out the additional 65¢.

"Hey I just...”

"…work here." Jay concluded. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Dante mumbled. Looking around he noticed something out of place. "Hey, where's Silent Bob?

Jay held a painful expression for a split second and then rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Dude, who knows what that tubby bitch is up to."

"You guys have a fight or something?" Dante asked, noting that split second.

"Nah, we don't fight, man. How the fucks do you suppose I would argue with Mute Boy?" Jay sneered.

Interest peaked, Dante pressed "Then where is he? I thought you guys were connected at the hip?"

Jay looked away. Why the fuck was he talking to this cocksmoker anyway? Oh, that's right, cause he didn't have anyone to talk to… Well, what the fuck.

"Silent Bob's off making a love connection and shit." He replied.

Dante's eyes widened at this. "Really? Huh. And I always thought that you two …" his voice trailed off as Jay stared at him with a mixture of pain and loathing, and then looked away.

"Oh." Dante concluded. This was not good. This was bad. Really bad. Dante wasn't on familiar terms with either of the stoners, but he realized that he had somehow inevitably treaded into very deep water, some sort of point of contention.

Jay didn't respond, but continued to look away. Then he rubbed his eyes.

Oh, shit, Dante thought to himself as he hurried around the counter. Quickly shuffling past Jay he flipped the sign and locked the door. Hurriedly he walked back to the blond, grabbed his hand and yanked him away from the counter and the front door. Jay was quiet the entire time and most disturbing he went willingly.

Pulling Jay into an aisle away from the sight of anyone looking in Dante turned around and looked at the young man. Jay's eyes were watery and his mouth was set in a hard line. Dante was already regretting having asked at all, but wasn't going to ignore the consequences. He looked at Jay and placed his hands on the blonde's shoulders. 

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked knowing full well that Jay was anything but okay, but hoping that the question would somehow dispel the tears barely being held in check.

Jay looked at Dante and shook his head no, not trusting his voice. Dante nodded at this, at least the stoner was still responding. Dante decided to play the next few moments very carefully.

"You wanna talk?" he asked softly. Again, Jay's head shook no. "Okay." Dante replied. He thought for a moment and then cautiously asked "How about I just stand here, and you just lean on me for a bit?" Jay nodded his head and stepped into his embrace.

Dante held his arms loosely around Jay as the blond cried soundlessly. The shuddering shoulders were the only indication that something was wrong. That is besides the fact that Jay was suffering the touch of another person or that the normal unending dialog had been paused. 

Dante stroked down Jay's back and felt sorry for the guy. It was obvious that he also thought that there was more to his friendship with Bob, and nothing sucked more than finding out you were wrong in that kind of assumption.

Chalking this up to yet another weird moment in his day job, Dante waited for Jay patiently. Eventually the shuddering stopped and he heard a mumbled "I'm okay… now quit trying to grab my ass." Dante began to let go of Jay, with a smirk. Suddenly the younger man arms held him tight for a brief moment as Jay hugged him briefly. "Thanks." Came muffled from Dante's shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

"So," Trish concluded, "You love him."

Silent Bob nodded. "Yes. I do."

"But Jay has never given you any indication that he might feel the same?"

"No."

Trish arched her eye at this. "Really." She deadpanned.

"I don't consider Jay actions to be concrete evidence of his possible affections."

"You are so full of shit."

Bob did a double take. "What?"

"Jesus, Bob! All Jay is, is action. None of his words mean anything, that's why he runs off at the mouth 24-7. All that talking is to distract from that fact that he actions are speaking louder than words. Unfortunately he's very good at distracting people with his words. Occasionally some truth bleeds through, but it's so lost in the barrage of bull shit he constantly sprouts that no one catches it, or calls him on it."

Bob pondered this for a moment. Then his eyes widened as he concluded, "Oh shit."

"Yeah, no shit."

"I never knew…"

"Has he ever kissed you?"

"What?"

Trish rolled her eyes in annoyance, "Has Jay ever kissed you, or made some overtures that could be considered flirting?"

"Well, I wouldn't call it flirting; I mean Jay's always screwing around…" Bob suddenly felt very warm.

"Okay. Have it your way. It's not flirting… But now answer this, all the 'screwing around' that Jay does, does he ever make those motions to other people?"

Bob blinked. "No." he replied

Trish had a wicked smile. "So how often would you say Jay has this ‘non-flirting’ behavior with you?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Bob's voice trailed away as he mumbled, "you know a few times…"

"A few times in the last ten years or five or what?" Trish prodded.

"Umm, a day." Bob concluded.

"A day." Trish repeated. "You mean to tell me that that boy has been after you for god knows how many years… and has been dropping hints on you daily?"

"Well, I, ummm" Bob stammered.

"Wait, wait, wait." Trish interrupted him. "Maybe we have a different concept of 'flirting'. Give me some examples."

Bob's eyes squinted in thought. "Starting from when?"

"Today, what did he do today?"

"Not a good reference, Jay ignored me today."

"Fine. Then yesterday. What did Jay do yesterday that you would consider 'flirting' if you could admit that it was flirting?"

Bob shifted uncomfortably. "Well, when we woke up we were both laying on the floor together…" Bob recalled yesterday mornings activities.

 

Bob woke up to the sound of Jay waxing the morning wood. The young man had a voracious sexual appetite, and due to the lack of permanent female companionship, this was not an unusual situation. Bob had heard Jay jack off numerous times and had even watched Jay jack off on a few very memorable occasions. This morning brought the sounds of Jay quiet pants and moans.

 

"Wait. Jay masturbates in front of you on a regular basis?" Trish interrupted the story with this question.

"Yes." Bob replied and followed with "What?"

"And you consider this normal behavior?"

Bob rolled his eyes, "For Jay, yes, this is normal behavior."

"That's frightening," Trish concluded. "Okay, go on…"

 

While Jay was beating it Bob yawned and stretched out his limbs. Jay heard him and his efforts redoubled. As Bob laid an arm under his head his other hand stroked Jay's back. Jay orgasmed, moaning "Damn, Lunchbox…" Bob felt the shudders of orgasm pass through the younger man, his hand still stroking his back. Jay finished up and cleaned up. Rolling over onto his side he snuggled into Bob chest and kissed him on the cheek, and fell back asleep on Bob's shoulder his arm wrapped around Bob's chest.

Trish stared at Bob, "Okay. Now I'm gonna ask, just because I'm morbidly curious at this point, what part of this scenario do you consider to be 'flirting'?

"Well, that he put an arm around me before going back to sleep."

Trish slapped a hand over her eyes. "So the masturbation, the fact that he orgasmed after you touched him, and the kiss he gave you afterwards… None of the strike you as out of the ordinary?"

"Well, it's a fairly regular occurrence…" Bob's voice trailed off and he looked away.

Trish rubbed her eyes and looked at Bob. "Okay, anything else?"

“Yesterday?" Bob questioned. Trish nodded. "Well, while we were watching TV, he was laying next to me on the couch…"

Bob and Jay's laid together on the couch, bodies entwined in an attempt to keep Jay from rolling off. Bob lay behind Jay, his arm holding his friend tight and one of his legs snugged in-between Jay's legs. Jay's head rested on his arm as they watched TV. About midway through the afternoon, Jay yawned, and told Bob "I'm gonna take a snooze, okay Tubby?" Bob nodded and shifted until he was flat on his back, pillow propping up his head and Jay lying directly on top of him. Jay shifted for a moment, and found a comfortable position, tucking his face into Bob's neck. Jay's hand slid down Bob's side and up again, under Bob's sweatshirt, resting on his chest. Jay fell into a fast sleep, lightly snoring.

Bob continued to watch his movie, stroking his hand lazily down Jay's back. He would comb his fingers through the fine blond hair fanned out on Jay's back and part of himself. Bob sighed in contentment, Jay's weight a comfortable pressure on him. As the shadows in the living room stretched and progressed towards evening, Bob flicked off the TV. He closed his eyes and dozed off. 

He awoke to Jay's hands slide across his chest, lightly rubbing him. Jay's breathing was coming in rapid gasps as his hips rubbed against Bob. Jay was breathing heavily into Bob's neck whispering "yes, yes, yes…" Bob stroked a hand down Jay's back, which elicited a gasp from Jay. Reaching the edge of the t-shirt Bob's hand disappeared underneath the thin fabric and caressed the smooth skin of his back.

Jay moaned as his hips picked up speed and began to beg sweetly "Please, Bob, please… For fuck's sake, please…" Bob's hand slid back down to Jay's ass, and applied the extra pressure the blond needed. Jay gave a strangled moan and sharp jerk as he climaxed. Jay collapsed breathing heavily. "Goddamn, Lunchbox, that was good…" Jay sighed.

Jay's hands caressed Bob's chest again as a long moment passed. Jay, aware of the hard on pressing against him, queried, "You want me to give you a hand?" 

Bob was stunned. He quickly shook his head no as he felt Jay's hand slide down his chest towards his groin. "You sure?" Jay asked again as his hand lightly traced the outline of Bob's erection through his jeans. Bob shook his head no again, and was relieved when Jay's hand left. There was no way he could do it. He couldn't let Jay jerk him off and maintain his distance. Granted he was hard, but Jay jerking him off constituted all sorts of other things and he wanted more than just a hand job…. Jay interrupted his thoughts again.

"Or I could use my mouth.” Jay offered.

Bob, who had been hard for a good period of time, pictured that little visual and began to shake.

Jay felt Bob tremble and made up his mind. Changing position slightly he worked his leg in between Bob's legs and started rocking his hips. Bob came almost immediately with a low groan; eyes fluttering shut as he had one of the most intense and quickest orgasms of his life.

Jay's voice held a note of humor as he commented "Always happy to assist." And his lips touched Bob's very briefly. Tucking his head into Bob's shoulder Jay's casually mentioned, "Next time we do this, we gotta be more prepared man. This is gonna be the second pair of shorts I blew today…" And then Jay got up and went to clean up. 

Bob lay on the couch and wondered when exactly his life started to get so confusing. 

Trish's hand was over her mouth now. "Oh my god. You're kidding, right?" She mumbled around her hand. Trish felt her face flush at the visual description Bob had given. "Has he ever done that before?" 

"No, never."

"Dare I ask anything else?" 

Bob gave another small smile, "Only this…"

Trish had long gone to bed and they were watching the infomercials that peppered the airwaves at 3:00 a.m. Bob sat on one end of the couch and was reading through some of the latest editions of X-men. Jay was busy glazing his eyes over some amazing fabulous product that no one could live with out. Growing bored after 30 minutes of the same spiel; Jay got up and went over to Bob's. Bob transferred the comic book to one hand as Jay curled his long frame on to the couch and rested his head on Bob's lap. They stayed that way for a long time and eventually Jay had fallen asleep. Unlike previous moment similar to this one, it wasn't an easy sleep. Bob became aware of his friends silent twitching caught in some dream. Bob watched Jay, wondering if he should wake his friend. Jay was murmuring “no, no, no" and becoming more animated. Bob stroked his blond hair making soothing sounds. This produced a more violent reaction as Jay's body shook and his murmuring took on a pleading quality. Words were barely distinguishable but it sounded like to Bob's ear that Jay was mumbling "please, no, don't go…"

Becoming concerned Bob shook Jay awake. Eyes fluttering open with the words "please Bob…." Dying on his lips, Jay looked around disorientated. "What the fuck?" he slurred. Bob was staring at him, concern in his features.

"You were having a bad dream…" Bob offered.

Jay rubbed his eyes, "Huh? I don't remember. I guess…." Bob's hand was stroking his hair and his back. Jay relaxed into the stroke and mumbled "That feels nice…" A few minutes passed and Jay spoke again, "Hold on…" and pulled away. Tugging his t-shirt over his head he let it drop on the floor and lay back down on Bob. Bob felt his mouth go dry as he was presented with a shirtless Jay lounging partially on him. His hands resumed their stroke. "Better." Jay sighed as he rested his head on Bob's lap, falling into a quieter sleep. Bob watched his friend and ran his hands over the smooth skin, brushing the long hair away from Jay's face. Placing a kiss on the fair head beneath his chin, he tried not to think about how much more he'd like to do Jay. Instead he tried to thankful for the moment.

 

"Jesus, Bob…" Trish stared at him.

Bob smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Granted, the last few days have been filled with more extreme behavior than normal. For the most part Jay just uses my personal space as his own. And Jay has been kissing me since we were teenagers, normally on the cheek, and nothing ever lingering and always following it with some sort of nasty comment. At heart though he's an affectionate person.

The jerking off, well that started when we began to live together. He has to be the horniest person I know; I swear the kid could be hard at the drop of a hat. But he needs physical contact to get off. I figured that out… Well, that’s another story. Since then, he'd only jack off while I was around. And eventually he started incorporating me into his routine… Leaning on me, rubbing on me, sucking my fingers while he'd masturbate. It was strange, but it was Jay, and it was no hardship for me to be there. I already loved him by that point, and figured that eventually we'd get together…"

"Only you didn't." Trish concluded

"No… Jay couldn't seem to go that extra step. I never would push it; he has to come to this on his own... I spend every waking moment with him, almost 24/7… and I still feel like I need more of him." Bob concluded sadly.

Trish looked at Bob and felt sorry for him.

"And yesterday was the first time in all the years of our friendship that he ever made a serious offer, to jerk me off, to suck me… And I couldn't let him do it… Because I wanted more." Bob concluded morosely.

Trish smiled at this, "And you deserve more… and if memory serves me correctly, Jay hinted at a repeat of that particular moment…"

Bob shook his head, "I really don't think that's likely to happen."

"Yes it is… Because I just backed out of having sex with you." Trish smiled and got up.

"Wait. What?" Bob asked, confused.

"Your going to be ordered from my room, looking forlorn, because I decided that I couldn't have sex with you, while living under the same roof.” She tugged Bob off the bed.

Bob chuckled "This is not going to work, Trish."

"It will, because you are going to be hard and ready when that boy comes in the door," Glancing at the clock, Trish concluded, "which should be any minute now."

Bob rolled his eyes and tried to disagree with her. "Trish you have no idea how ludicrous this sounds…" and trailed off as he heard the front door slam.

Trish smiled, and dropped to her knees in front of Bob. "And now for the hard part,” She whispered as she quickly unzipped him. Bob hissed in protest, and tried to stop her but Trish already had he mouth on him. Bobbing her head she quickly brought him to full erect. As Bob's hands found there way to her head she released him and stuffed him back into his pants.

"You owe me, big time, for this" she whispered as she opened her bedroom door and spoke in a slightly louder than normal voice "No, Bob, I'm sorry. I just can't. I thought I could, but living with you I just can't have sex with you. I'm sorry." And with that she shoved Bob into the hall and shut her door.

Hand clasped over her mouth Trish laughed silent to herself. The expression on Bob's face… It had been priceless. He looked as her she had announced she was throwing him to the wolves. Sliding down her door, Trish tried to hear what was going on in the living room. No such luck. She'd have to ask him later…


	10. Chapter 10

Bob made his way to the living room a bit slower than normal. Jay was sitting on the couch, looking like he was trying very hard not to gloat.

"So how'd it go Lunchbox?" Jay all but sing sang to Bob.

Easing himself into a chair with a wince, Bob gave Jay a sharp look.

Jay grinned, and then schooled his expression into surprise "Nothing happened, huh. Really?"

Bob shot him a look. Yes, really.

Jay slid out of the chair and onto his knees in front of Bob. "You need some help?"

Bob stared at Jay, his mind picking through every reply he could think of. In the end Bob decided to be honest. "Not unless it means something to you. I won't fool around with you if it doesn't mean something to you. I'm getting to old to have meaningless sex with people."

Jay gave pause at this. He appeared to in concentration, and then gave his reply. "I love you. Is that good enough?"

Bob stared at Jay in disbelief. "You do?" Jay nodded his head. "Since when?"

Jay paused again, tilted his head in concentration… "Since about… 9th grade." Bob blinked at this. "Remember the time we got high and spent the afternoon breaking bottles in the quarry, and we were lying on top of those flat rocks near the one ridge… You were all quiet and introspective as usual, and I was quiet for once too. Well you were laying on the one rock, and I had my head on your stomach and we were watching the clouds overhead. I was holding you hand, cause I felt all dizzy and shit and didn't want to roll off the rock… Remember?"

Bob nodded his head to this, one of the many incidents in their youth.

"Well, I wasn't dizzy. I just wanted to hold your hand." Jay concluded. Bob blinked in wonder. 

"Since 9th grade!" Bob bellowed.

Jay shot up into a standing position. "Whoa! Take it easy!" His palms up. "I can explain!"

Bob ran a hand over his eyes. He had to hear this. "Okay. Explain." Jay settled back down on his knees, to be at eye level with Bob.

"Remember when you were over that fall, and we ditched school, and went back by my house and hung out, got messed up and passed out on my bed?"

Bob nodded.

"Do you remember what we had been doing before we passed out?"

Bob smiled, recalling the episode. The eternal teen-age battle of ‘mine’s bigger than yours' had come up.

Jay rolled his eyes, "So you were bigger than me, and you proved it. But remember that we took off most of our clothes before we figured that out, and then we ended up jerking off together (which I have to add is still my favorite childhood memory), and we ended up naked, in my bed…"

Bob's smile became bit wider. Yes, he remembered the incident quiet well.

"And you got hard again, and kinda rubbed up against my ass, which got me hard again too. And I remember neither of us talking during all of that, just you rubbing against me and me stroking my dick. And your hands started stroking my hip and I was all into it already, fuckin' harder than I had even been in my life. I would have let you fuck, Bob. I wanted you to. Damn, did I want you to. I wanted to reach back between my legs and direct you, make you realize that I wanted you in me… But I didn’t do it, cause I didn't know what you would do. But the way your dick kinda found it's way to rubbing against my ass. Fuck. I was working my dick and you were stroking yours and I'd jerk backwards into you. So you ended up nearly humping me while I jerked off. I remember you came on me, and I had the best orgasm in entire life because of that, you nearly coming in me, or as close as it was ever gonna get... So you blew a load on me, and I blew a load and we end up like exhausted and sticky and spooned up against each other…. Christ, I'm getting a boner just remembering it. But so we end lying together in my bed, falling asleep.

Jay's eyes faded slightly as he added to Bob's memory. "What you didn't know was that while we sleep, all limbs entwined and shit, my mom walked in."

Bob felt all the blood drain out of his face.

Jay noted this and replied, "No shit. My mom came in, must have seen us looking all post-coital and shit, and left. To this day, I'm not sure why she didn't have a coronary right then and there. But the next day… To say she put the smack down on me would be an understatement." Jay concluded softly.

"But all the shit that happened because of that one incident, never really changed what I felt about you. I just had the idea that it was 'wrong' beaten into me… on a fairly regular schedule. Every time I'd get up an enough nerve to try and tell you, or do something to get your attention, I'd get this automatic backlash. And I'd immediately spew it out."

"So, I'd do something like kiss you, because I wanted to kiss you more than anything… And then I'd proceed to blast you for being gay." Jay snorted. "Which is really fucked up, because you never initiated anything… "

Bob was staring at Jay again. He shook his head to clear it. "So, you're sure now?"

Jay gave a smile. "Yeah, I'm sure. I love you, I always have though. So we trade about 4-5 years of possible fucking with a guaranteed break up, for a lifetime commitment with daily fucking guaranteed."

Bob chuckled at Jay's logic, reached forward and pulled him into an embrace.


End file.
